Downhill slide

After several days of feeling great, the chemo is catching up with me ~ which is usual. My joints are aching, I have a couple of sores inside my mouth, I have an upset stomach and I generally don't feel worth a dang. I imagine I'll get a booster shot Monday and start building up some reserves. Too bad I'm coming down as the weekend is arriving. ...
I was hoping to find a park with a pond and some ducks this weekend and toss some bread their way. Right now, however, I don't feel like feeding myself, much less a bunch of ducks. Maybe I'll perk up. ...
I could go on about my woes, but I think I'll pack them away for the night and hope for a better tomorrow.

Spring has sprung

My azaleas are on the verge of blooming, which makes me want to piddle around in the yard. No can do, though, for a couple of reasons. I don't have the stamina, and I'm supposed to avoid direct sunlight because of the medications I'm taking. ...
Going bald while having to stay out of the sunshine leaves me with a two-tone head. My face and neck have some color, but my scalp where my hair used to be is bright white. Without sunlight I can't get the top of my head to match my face and neck. And there's little chance, much to my wife's chagrin, that the red will fade from my neck. ...
It's supposed to start getting warmer and sunnier, so get out there and enjoy it for me.
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Soapbox and Thin Mints

I got a shot of Neulasta today ~ not to be confused with Lunesta, which helps you sleep. You've probably seen commercials for both of them. A Neulasta slogan goes, "Are you ready to start chemotherapy?" I'm taking Neulasta because chemotherapy can cause a white blood cell deficiency. Neulasta is supposed to boost my cell count. ...
I mention the commercials because I find it an incredible waste of money for a prescription drug to be advertised on TV. But figures show pharmaceutical companies often spend more on marketing than on research and development for new drugs. A couple of stats I hope you won't find too boring: In 2003, Bristol-Myers Squibb spend $2.3 billion on R&D and $6.1 billion on marketing, advertising, promotion, etc.; in 2001, Amgen, which makes Neulasta, spent 28 percent of its revenue on marketing and 25 percent on research. OK, I'll hop down off of my soapbox. ...
Random thoughts and whatnot: My sweet tooth has been acting up lately, so I am very grateful to my wife's co-worker Angela, who sent me a box of Thin Mints. Thanks, Angela! ... A belated congrats to BJ's household for Florida making the Final Four. ... Basketball season ended for me tonight; time to start thinking about the Braves. ...
Today' quote (in an e-mail from my niece Kelly): "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.' " ~ Jack Handy
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A walk on the dark side

I'm more than half-way through my scheduled treatment. I finished radiation treatment March 9 and today I finished my first of three cycles of the chemo drug Taxotere. I have my next cycle April 17 and the final cycle May 8. Three weeks later, we'll take a look inside the body with a PET scan. ...
Today was the most upbeat my lead oncologist has been. She expressed confidence that I was on the road to being among the 27 percent to 30 percent of five-year survivors of stage III lung cancer. I told her that was my plan all along. ...
Taxotere has its own set of side effects. I may experience flu-like symptoms: aching bones, joints and muscles. Also, tingling in the fingers and toes, and possible nail problems ~ color changes and, in rare cases, loss of nails. If I don't like the change in nail color, I'll go goth and paint 'em black. I may even change my name. According to deadname.com, my name (using William, not Bill) translates to Leather Pleasure in goth. That should go over well in church. I guess you can tell I have too much time on my hands. I need to get back to work soon! ...
Another side effect, of course, is hair loss. Yet one of the side effects of the steroid I'm taking with this chemo is excessive hair growth. Ah, the possibilities. Will the right side of my body have hair and left side be smooth? Will my upper body be bald and lower body be hairy? Or will I have spots? Yes, I have too much time on my hands (Will I have hairy knuckles and bald toes?). ...
My Lady Vols take on the Lady Tar Heels in the Elite Eight on Tuesday. I have several friends who'll be pulling for the gals from Chapel Hill, but, misguided as they are, I still love them. Go Lady Vols and God bless you all!

Three months ago ...

I have chemotherapy Monday, three months to the day after I was diagnosed with lung cancer. Dec. 27 seems a lifetime ago. I just found out it was a life-changing day for one of my first cousins. He died on that day. Obviously we weren't close or I would have heard sooner. I last saw Kent at my Uncle Winston's funeral in 2001. It was the first, and only, time we met as adults. I don't know the cause of death, only that he died in a hospital in his native Alabama. I'll probably put on my reporter's hat soon and find out how he died. He is survived by his wife and a son, Jake. That leaves Jake; my son, Daniel; and me as the only living male descendants of my paternal grandfather. ...
I'm packing a lunch for chemo. It is supposed to last a couple of hours, but you never know. ...
I've mentioned several times about being on several prayer lists. I was just added to another: a Choctaw powwow. If I had been around during the Trail of Tears, I would have been sent to Oklahoma because I have enough Cherokee in me to legally be considered an Indian. I'm sure the Choctaw prayer will work for a Cherokee. ...
I leave you with an excerpt from Del "Abe" Jones' "The Neverending Trail":

Each mile of this infamous "Trail"
Marks the graves of four who died ~
Four thousand poor souls in all
Marks the shame we try to hide ~

You still can hear them crying
Along "The Trail Of Tears"
If you listen with your heart
And not with just your ears.

A blizzard ... yeah, that's the ticket

My wife, Lynn, and I visited my mother in the Georgia mountains today. It was a belated birthday celebration for Mother, who turned 76 on Tuesday. We took her out to lunch and then visited for a few hours before heading back to the "flatlands." As we were leaving it started snowing. Flakes the size of softballs fell and covered the ground within 30 seconds. At least that's my story. Lynn, however, tells me I must tell the truth. So, in truth, as we were leaving a few snow flurries swirled around in the wind for about 30 seconds. I like my story better, but. ...
I love driving the back roads in the mountains ~ straightening the curves as Waylon sang about. I learned to drive on mountain roads. One day in driver's ed when I was 15 I had to drive in 3 feet of snow. OK, in truth, I drove in snow flurries that lasted about 30 minutes. ...
On our trip to Mother's we cross Nottely Dam. I always get a bit of a chill going across the dam. It was one of five TVA dams my father was in charge of when we lived on the North Carolina side of the mountains in the early to mid-1970s. ...
Little did I know back in those days of my teens that those Winstons I was smoking would come back to haunt me. I can't change the past. I thought when I quit smoking four years ago that I had cheated the devil. No such luck. Will I beat the devil? Who knows? I just hope one day to be like Kris Kristofferson, who wrote: "The devil haunts a hungry man; if you don’t want to join him you’ve got to beat him. I ain’t sayin’ I beat the devil, but I drank his beer for nothing, and then I stole his song."

Author unknown

I'll start the weekend with a poem, "What Cancer Cannot Do," that a dear friend passed along to me:

Cancer is so limited . . .
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot kill Friendship
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal eternal Life
It cannot conquer the Spirit

Special thanks to BJ.

Off to work I go ...

I returned to work today for the first time in three months. Actually, I returned to my workplace. I certainly didn't do any work. It was a surprise visit after my doctor's appointment. I think it was well received. I know I sure enjoyed seeing everyone. I hope after seeing me that my co-workers are convinced I'll be returning to work soon. ...
I'm still a bit anemic, but I'm ready to begin chemotherapy on Monday. My next three doses will be one-day cycles for a couple of hours, unlike the three-day cycles I had before. I'm eager to get going. ...
Everyone at work made me feel right at home. Thanks to you all!

Here we go again

A whole week without watching time tick by in a waiting room; a whole week without getting stuck by a needle; a whole week without seeing a doctor; a whole week without getting a new prescription. It all comes to a screeching halt tomorrow. ...
I visit my lead oncologist's office tomorrow. They're usually running at least a half-hour behind schedule. I'll get stuck with a needle when my blood is drawn. I expect my white blood cell count to be solid. Not so sure about the red cells. I'm still a bit dizzy when I first stand up, so I may still be anemic. But I'm confident I'll be strong enough to resume chemotherapy on Monday. Not sure if I'll get a new prescription, which I may or may not get filled depending on the cost and what it's for. ...
Spring has sprung, which I guess is why frost is predicted overnight. Does anybody remember what General Lee predicted?

A cup of coffee, please

I've been taking free samples of Provigil to give me some extra pep in the middle of the day so I don't feel the need for a nap. I ran out of the samples and took my prescription to the pharmacy. A 30-day supply goes for $209. I decided I'd try and get some extra pep from caffeine instead. ...
Amanda, my son's girlfriend, brought me a Boston creme cake tonight. I can pretty much guarantee it won't go to waste. ...
My mother turned 76 today. I'm hoping my blood cell counts will be strong enough for me to visit her this weekend. I'll find out Thursday when I have my blood work done. ...
Have a chuckle:
Doctor: "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but this is your last day to live.
Cancer patient: "Then I'll ask my friends to come here for a final party. We'll have a gourmet dinner, champagne and dancing girls! We'll party 'till dawn. Come and join us Doc."
Doctor: "That's easy for you to say. You don't have to get up in the morning."